What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
