tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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