im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
