We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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