I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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