i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Randomize
