i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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