WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
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she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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