At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
