I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
