dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
where does the pee come out of this thing
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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