oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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