I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
