are you still at the devil's house?
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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