A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
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I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
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Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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