if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
