I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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