Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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