Your face is a jimmy john
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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