Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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