did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
