so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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