she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i out mim tonsoeep
He has the fingertips of a God
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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