He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
