He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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