theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
