3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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