When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
