I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize