I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
