Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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