she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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