Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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