You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
