I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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