We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
