You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
