i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
