bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
did i walk over a car last night?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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