Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
