Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize