Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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