I faked an abortion last night.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
