I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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