Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
