remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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