then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he quoted the bible to break up with me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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