i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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