How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
