i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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