I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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