Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize