He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize