i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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