I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
