I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm at about main and main street
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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