i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We left an ass print on the piano.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
