I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
