Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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