Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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