i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
