you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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