Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
