hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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