Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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