and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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