Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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