Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
