my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
