32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
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There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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