Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
