Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
