You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
