She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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