ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
