id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
