i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
