Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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