I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hippo gnu deer
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
